February 2012
10 posts
3 tags
I love you, can't you tell?
Loving words on a park bench make me laugh in your face because I am spiteful and awful and maybe you can love me just the way I am but probably not. I pretend that I want to be free just like you, climbing to the tallest tree, loving you back, caressing your skin with fingers filled with gold and glitter and kindness. But, for now, I spite you and I take revenge easily. I shoot you dirty looks to...
2 tags
I glance at the lemon tree and it glances back at me, whispering sour thoughts into my ear and it is traipsing about my room, waiting for my infinite hopes that are so unsettled and I cannot contest to what is reality and what my eyes can only perceive in madness. The green grass grows with a purpose, the light above shines with unity and predictability, my thoughts swirl until I cannot read the...
I am too honest. All I want to do is get drunk and make out and water my plants and hang up my clothes and invite you over to my house and do those things that we do over the covers, while the neighbours stare. While you sleep, I think. While you are awake and stranded and I am too drunk to move still and I am sorry and except I am not really, I do what I want to do regardless of consequence. You...
3 tags
scattered along the kitchen floor
your hands sliding across the linoleum,
beg for me to stay,
but I will not,
nor will I ever.
4 tags
He was humming a tune in the shower. I couldn’t hear it, the song blocked by the rain of the water washing away all of his secrets. This was standard. I would always watch him from the bedroom, watching as the mirror fogged up and listened as he hummed the same melody, one I could never place. He told me he was a terrible person, and I believed him. Just another Monday, I wait for my turn to...
3 tags
put the kettle on,
come, lie on the bed,
hum a song in my head,
dance in front of my eyes
remind me that
all you tell are lies.
2 tags
my feet are weighted with anchors. hanging off of edge of the cliff and I am ready. tangerine skies, honey kisses, rough and passionate, holding me closer, drinking me in, I can smell what you had for breakfast, tea, strawberries, maple syrup, sticky sweet love, bodies dripping in sweat, avalanches, catastrophe, I can feel my future in the way your hands touch my shoulders, the way you twist and...
2 tags
this is how we are, all rose-coloured sentiments ravelled up into knots, not knowing where one begins and the other ends, we get scared too easily like the world could end if we let it, open ourselves up with a knife, candle lit windows, making love on the living room floor, your hands are blue and cold and you sing in my ear, whispering about the type of person you can be, and I don’t...
2 tags
uninspired-writings, cant think straight-know I’m hurting you- I don’t mind, do you?
you take my words too seriously - care about my opinion too much
unobservant - want you to be here tonight - where are you?
can’t sleep, looking for you - rocks at my window
downtown night life, doesn’t suit you
ladders to the sky, who the fuck cares
stand up to me
drink a...
4 tags
no sense
curved spine, it is something to talk about, vitamins and what is the point of this? chocolate every day, can’t get enough of it or of my thoughts of you, need them endlessly, tie me to a chair, let me drown, sing me a song, whatever. I sink into thought in public and I’m sure I look so silly, but your voice and your funny faces, and your finger tips, I don’t understand why you...
January 2012
20 posts
2 tags
Soft finger tips, grazing my legs, and tequila shots in the dark, peonies all pink and red and careful like your words, underground malls, static on the television, staying up too late and dreaming all day long, dreary afternoons, felicity for the day regardless of the time of year, is it a you or is it a me, doubt and maybe positive thinking really does work? Maybe the universe really does answer...
3 tags
Your enthusiasm, dancing with strangers, the heat your body generates, cotton sheets, all these memories keep me safe at three in the morning when I cannot sleep and I hear strange sounds and think strange thoughts that make me afraid and I know it is all in my head. The city seems so very daunting when you are standing just outside of it on a cloudy afternoon, looking in and the seagulls are...
2 tags
These are what memories are made of; sepia photos of a baby born, while the dead of winter rages on; Nyquil dreams and scraped knees; catastrophic flooding, hope and delicate crystals given to me so I will love you like no other; voices in your head that weave musical lullabies, adventures which could never be true. A clock ticking at noon, vintage furniture, porcelain dolls, heavy drapery, velvet...
3 tags
I sit alone and I eat my blueberry muffin alone and I long for days long past. My mother works in the garden and I sit alone in my kitchen. The television, on in the background. News stories from foreign countries and I chew away, feigning indifference. I sip on a cup of bath temperature tea. I hear my mother call my name, but it is very far away. I stand up, I feel dizzy and outside of my body....
I like words. Simple pixels on a computer screen that can make you feel exactly how your supposed to in exactly that moment, telling you exactly what you need to hear. I like drawings. Sketches that dance across a page, that love you when there is no one else. I like windows. When it is drizzling outside, catching a cold, catching a cab. I like dreams. Floating and dropping and fizzling away.
...
2 tags
Through the glow of the neon lights, the t.v. on in the background, selling me your soul. You remove your mask to reveal something ugly. Pretentious. Something that is never going to call me again. You kiss my neck. My extremities are frozen. My skin is pale. Through the snow and the ice, I came here. Walked like a pilgrimage, through the promise land, to your bed. Your skin is smooth, you ignore...
2 tags
I find the outdoors terribly overwhelming, all trees and grass and children playing, laughing with their friends, laughing at me. I want to go back inside, back to where the lights are dimmed low and my mind can rest and warmth and comfort can seep and settle into my bones. I once decided that anything that required a heartbeat was not for me to meddle with. I found that I lost track of thought,...
2 tags
my writing is a mess
a scrawl across a white notepad
with thin blue lines
so my words stand straight
up right & correct
like they went to boarding school
instead of public
and my writing is messy
like those boarding school kids
just went to college
and now don’t know
how to stand up straight
or be sober
ever again
3 tags
On a beautiful day like this, we welcome new life into the world. New hopes and new dreams to follow. New love. New fears. New new new. You are small and new and beautiful.
2 tags
Who are you?
Who are you when we are out in the dark, dancing the night away with strangers and sweat induced coma and dangerous thoughts that circle your mind. Who are you when we are sitting on the bus, holding hands and crying ourselves to sleep and singing that melody that we listen to every day because it reminds us of when times were good. Who are you when we are alone and who are you when you are with...
3 tags
awake since 4am, eyes dry, kitten going crazy, so thirsty, late for work, forgetting things I repeated to myself over and over not to forget, falling in love with words, hungry, why am I always like this? I see no color. I feel no wind. I know it’s there. lectures and let downs, cheerios, yogurt, mountains in the background. I live near the beach but I have not been to it yet. this is where...
5 tags
Eyes too close together, hydrangea’s in the backyard.
This is my home; I feel it when I come here.
Dancing like lunatics;
Memories;
This is my home.
4 tags
Maybe I really am crazy - thinking about you all day, when all I am is ashes in your mind. I bet the last time you had a dream about me was months ago and mine was only last night. I dreamt that you were a pencil drawing, a stray asking for my help. I turned away, knowing I did not want too. I would be a fool for you in a heartbeat, if you wanted me to be. Maybe not.
3 tags
I am never worth your time. Why would you want to make the one you love happy? Why do you sit back and wait for life to go by. I wonder these things sometimes. I am falling apart. I am an insolvable rubiks cube. I do not stand out in a crowd. But I want to be worth your time. I want someone to fall head over heels for me like I do with every person I meet. I want to be passionate and crazy and...
4 tags
sorry.
If you would write to me,
I would write to you,
we would fly across the country,
you will fall in love with me
except,
all I would want
is to sleep with you.
sorry.
5 tags
Resolutions.
Be kind and be everything you would want others to be to you; Sit on a swingset with those you love and kiss the moon with those you miss. Be bold and be loving and be sexy. Have some consideration. Dance dance dance. Make new friends. Hold hands with someone. Spend too much money in a foriegn country. Try something new. Eat a lot of pomegranates. Have a lot of sex. Be slutty. Not too slutty....
5 tags
I have a mind that races, without a finish and no one wins. A million different thoughts and I am drowned in voices that desire, hate, love and are woeful. Constantly alone, I dread each day and I want change, to send a message in a bottle, to not be afraid. Grey colours my days and I read the news paper over someones shoulder and I try and believe that it is trying to cheer me up, I can feel it....
1 tag
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love - for in the face of all aridity and...
7 tags
Glowing, neon lights in the middle of this rainy, wintery day. Concrete sidewalks, concrete buildings, tall and grey and I am not going in the direction I should be. I walk past you and you do not see me. I stare at you. I am frightened. Should I have stopped? Should I have said something? It is cold and you looked hungry and I wanted to hold you and tell you everything would be okay. There are...
5 tags
I remembered one day when I wanted to change the world and be someone new and not care about what any one thought. I remembered one day when you were my world and I had no one else and for some reason this did not bother me. Sitting on the couch, holding hands cuddling and sleeping were important to me. When you were important to me. But you did not speak, not really, and I said too much. We were...
December 2011
17 posts
5 tags
Why am I not a bird,
high and free;
and why am I not a rose?
Why do I have so many words to write
and none of them worth my time.
5 tags
I sleep away most of my life
day dreaming and believing in promises
if you say something, I bet you mean it.
warm under covers and cold in my skin,
I long for stray cats to come my way.
and if they do,
I shoo them away,
regardless of their innocence,
and I am stranded;
hoping they will come back
because they cannot live
without
me.
6 tags
Someone people like.
I try and work and nothing is produced. The smell of mango’s and friendship gone wrong. I am sitting inside my head waiting for it to be over. When I can forget about it. When I can move on. Words written on yellow note pads and I don’t feel like doing anything scribbled across those blue lines. I am a good person gone astray. I am everything you will ever want, trust me. I want a new...
5 tags
soft skin and soft time, cold hard wood floors. This is all new. I miss you but I cannot tell you that I really don’t miss it at all. White walls and neon lights, stranded in the air. You are not here and I cannot feel you and I do not want too. Purring in my ear is my wake up call. New love, new life, new windows, new closet, new keys. I forget to eat breakfast as usual, I am rushing as...
3 tags
How can you?
Write me a letter when you are cold and lonely and need a friend. I am open and I am waiting and you write it, you tear it up and you toss it away. Think of me when you are day dreaming to avoid whatever it is that is bothering you, think of talking to me and holding my hand and how awful you can be to me. Think of when I am sad and alone, what do I do? I think about you. Sing a song and forget...
5 tags
I want sympathy and I want you to let me be selfish sometimes.
I am completley selfless.
When I want to be.
When I want you to like me.
I can be rested completley inside myself
and I cannot come out
unless coaxed.
Because I can be undeniably selfish.
When I want to be.
When I want you to hate me, loath me, run from me.
I know how to make you turn away.
5 tags
I don't mind sharing with you.
I read it and I feel like the words are being directly written to me. Selfish and obscure, you are stalking me and writing about me and you seem to know everything. You are far away and you seem like I cannot quite reach you but you are writing to me. I know this. I feel your breath on my neck and I can listen to your voice in my head. You are writing directly to me, pulling out everything within...
This is the way that I am. Hopeful and honest and I am going to walk away. I am returning your scarf and your memories and the way you made me feel good and then the way you made me feel sad. Bitter taste of coffee and I am going to exude confidence. I am not going to be inquisitive. I am not going to care. I am going to stay calm and I am going to walk away and I am never going to see you or feel...
5 tags
Shaking hands and nervous laughter.
This is me.
The way the light hits your face;
The way you feel when you are all sweaty and sexy;
I can’t get it out of my mind
And this makes me nervous.
Nervous Nervous Nervous.
I can feel your breath on my neck
And I feel your sadness as you bite my shoulder
I know it. I know it. I know it.
I use you for something to think about;
...
It is little and it is pink and it is making me feel sick. It is the possibility of a new me. It is my future and it is my past in a package the size of the tip of my baby finger. It is the colour of bubblegum. It scares me and worries me and makes me feel anxious. Ironic.
3 tags
Frost bite and red eyes;
frozen lakes and frozen time;
snow falls cold onto my skin;
Illness and hoplessness;
Time is slow and time is fast;
and I am homeless.
4 tags
My head is fogged and my hands are shaking and I’m not sure if I can make it through this week. I am scared and hopeful and excited and worried and anxious. I want you to think I am sexy and I want this to go smoothly. I want you to see what you will be missing. And I want to have the best night of the year. It is only Monday and I must wait, longing for Saturday.
6 tags
I want you; believe that I am evocative and sexy
I want you; touch and electricity and hunger
I want you; whispering and affinity
I don’t want this to be complicated,
easy easy easy
I am easy
use me.
I am already inured to your touch.
6 tags
Jealousy and drunken arguments
holdings hands and smiling and giggling and tea
you are the thing that has kept me here
when I needed it most
clear mornings, foggy afternoons
complaining about this or that
and we talk about the same thing over and over
we walk to the beach, near your apartment
and we sit in the sand and we squint in the sun
and we never thought these days would...
5 tags
Anticipation and the way things are supposed to be
longing and good riddance to you
even though that is not really the way I am feeling
although this feels like calamity;
the end of the world as I know it
Ghosts and creatures and the way your skin feels;
We kiss and we laugh and everything is okay.
5 tags
Cravings and desire and loss and emptiness. Cloudy days, sleepless nights, breaths that I can see because it is so cold, anxious thoughts and questions I cannot answer. I hate not knowing what to do when what I want is so simple and you are making it feel so complicated.
I liked what we did, where we were and when it was all messed up, I was all messed up and I am sorry and I wish you...
You, the quiet earth and the loud mind. The silliness and the way we used to dance together. You the cold food and the hopeless nights, the way you always ask me to leave and walk me out through the cold air and the lazy conversation. So subtle. So soft. So harmful and you have no idea. You, the lies that I told and the stranger that I have met. The bad ideas, the cloudy afternoons and cold...
November 2011
13 posts
I feel outside of myself. The decisions I have made have been made for me by someone else.
I am involuntary. I am empty. I am rejection and I am embarrassment. I am not thinking straight.
It is sweet and it is bitter tasting, it feels warm inside of me and I keep drinking the wine and it keeps going down like I want it to.
The sink drain and the breeze from the open window and the blood...
There is something about tree trunks and slush and hope and fruit salads,yummy and sweet, and being at the lake. There is something about laughter and your laughter and your hope and desires that make me want you. There is something about sitting by myself eating a sandwich drinking lemonade and missing long days and your voice and the way we used to talk until 5am with your dogs and your hope and...
I am breaking my own heart. I fixate on this. I fixate on this. I fixate on this. I can’t get any work done and I’m tired and I’m lonely and I want you so bad.
You see right through me. Everyone sees right through me. I can’t lie. I fixate on this. I can’t stop thinking about it. Why won’t it leave me alone.
I make mistakes and I say the wrong thing and I...